From:
"Church, Robert Ray (UMC-Student)"
Date: 2002-08-29 08:32:00 UTC
Subject: Bob C: Ferret Caretaker Quiz
To: <ferrethealth@smartgroups.com>
Cc: "Church, Robert Ray (UMC-Student)" <rrc961@mizzou.edu>
Message-ID: <43C5FBB91EB9CC468627C2BCB23391D32B9D22@TIG-MAIL2.tig.mizzou.edu>
I challenge ferret shelters and owners to take the following quiz. Pick th=
e answer that BEST describes your PRESENT situation, or your HONEST current=
understanding! NO CHEATING!
1. Your ferret=92s litter boxes are a) cleaned daily, b) cleaned several ti=
mes a week, c) only cleaned when they need it, d) whenever the maggots dema=
nd high-speed internet access.
2. Ferrets are allowed free-roam exercise a) at least 4 hours a day, b) twi=
ce a day for at least an hour each time, c) once a day for a couple of hour=
s, d) for as long as it takes to catch them after they escape from the cage=
.=
3. Ferrets should be fed a) a combination of dry, extruded foods, cooked po=
ultry, wet kitten food, and meaty broths, b) dry, extruded food and occasio=
nal cooked poultry, c) dry, extruded food, d) vegetables, raisins, and Cher=
rios.
4. If YOU died tomorrow, your ferrets would a) have a loving home for the r=
est of their lives, b) be shared among friends who were mostly unprepared f=
or the task, c) be a matter of internet concern and rescue, d) be auctioned=
off to pay your debts.
5. Ferrets should see a veterinarian a) twice a year and whenever they need=
it, b) once a year and whenever they need it, c) whenever they need it, d)=
whenever you can corner the vet at the grocery store checkout.
6. Too many ferrets number a) more than half of what you can realistically =
afford, b) what you can realistically afford, c) what you can barely afford=
if you have no personal life, d) what ferret-lovers on the internet can af=
ford after you whine about costs.
7. A ferret needs a) a room-sized play space, b) a bathroom-sized play spac=
e, c) a closet-sized play space, d) they have a cage, don=92t they?
8. Ferrets should have mental, physical, dietary, and sensory stimulation a=
) daily, b) several times a week, c) every weekend, d) when visitors are pr=
esent.
9. Ferret sleeping quarters should include a) a dark, warm, enclosed nestin=
g box, b) a security cube, c) a sleeping bag or tube, d) a clean spot in th=
e litter box.
10. Fire-proofing for your ferrets includes a) fireproofed residence, an ex=
isting escape plan, fire extinguishers, canvas pet evacuation bags, and fer=
rets trained to come to a call, b) fireproofed residence, an existing escap=
e plan, fire extinguishers, and canvas pet evacuation bags, c) fire extingu=
ishers and canvas pet evacuation bags, d) you hope to burn with them becaus=
e you=92re going to burn in hell anyway.
11. You define physical contact as a) any type of physical contact desired =
by the ferret for as long as they want, b) petting or grooming as long as t=
he ferret doesn=92t get too frisky, c) dressing ferrets in baby doll clothe=
s because it is so damn cute, d) carrying the ferrets back to the cage afte=
r they escape.
12. Ferrets are a) obligate, primary carnivores with a digestive system evo=
lved to eat animals, b) carnivores domesticated to eat carbohydrate-loaded =
dry, extruded food, c) carnivores who happen to like a good salad on occasi=
on, d) vegans fighting genetic enslavement to a carnivorous lifestyle.
13. Ferrets like to dig because a) it is an inborn, genetic exploratory beh=
avior, b) it relieves stress and boredom, c) the carpet is greener on the o=
ther side of the door, d) they are evil devils trying to find a way home.
14. Ferrets should be owned by people who a) are caring animal lovers who w=
ork hard do their best, b) are caring animal lovers who sometimes to do the=
ir best, c) are caring people who do what they can, d) keep their ferrets b=
ecause internet flamers think forced ownership in an unloving home is bette=
r than adoption to a loving one.
15. After first-year inoculations, ferrets should be inoculated a) with rab=
ies and canine distemper vaccines once a year, b) with rabies vaccine every=
year and canine distemper vaccine every-other year, c) with rabies and can=
ine distemper vaccines every-other year, d) only if they bite someone and y=
ou are caught.
16. Your ferret should see a vet a) when they FIRST show symptoms because i=
t is evidence they are already ill, b) when they are obviously ill, c) when=
they don=92t seem to get better, d) why see a vet when shelters are full o=
f ferrets?
17. The best treats for ferrets are a) various raw, cooked, or dried meats=
, poultry, and fish, b) cheese, processed meats, and sausage, c) dried frui=
t or carbohydrate-rich pet foods, d) vegetables indigestible to primary, ob=
ligate carnivores, including carrots, potatoes, cucumbers, cauliflower, and=
broccoli.
18. The best way to reduce odor in a ferret room is to a) clean litter boxe=
s daily and change bedding 3 or 4 times a week, b) clean litter boxes a few=
times a week, change bedding weekly, and use deodorants, c) clean litter b=
oxes and bedding once a week, bathe ferrets regularly, and use deodorants a=
nd covering sprays, d) move next door to a pig farm's sludge pond.
19. Ferrets should be bathed (with soap, as opposed to swimming or playing =
in plain water) a) only when they need it, b) monthly, c) weekly, d) until =
their skin completely flakes off.
20. When discussing your ferret=92s problems with a vet, you should a) give=
a detailed report, listen carefully, ask questions, keep notes, and get a =
second opinion if you continue to feel uneasy, b) give a detailed report, l=
isten carefully, ask questions, and keep notes, c) give a detailed report, =
listen carefully, and ask questions, d) drop the ferret off with a check pi=
nned to the cage.
21. Healthy ferrets should be fed a) a superior-quality diet two or three t=
imes a day, b) a high-quality diet for as much as they want, whenever they =
want, c) a medium-quality diet for as much as they want, whenever they want=
, d) just make sure to keep the bowl full of cheap cat food.
22. Ferrets are a) asocial domesticated polecats that generally tolerate so=
cializing with litter-sized groups of ferrets because of behavioral neotony=
, b) domesticated carnivores that tolerate socializing with other ferrets b=
ecause of domestication, c) somewhat gregarious animals that can be housed =
together in large groups because of ferret math, d) ferrets are herd animal=
s, moo.
23. Ferret medicines should be given a) exactly as prescribed for dose, tim=
es per day, and length of treatment, b) exactly as prescribed for dose and =
length of treatment, but you can vary the times per day to fit your schedul=
e, c) exactly as prescribed for dose, but you can vary the times per day an=
d length of treatment depending on the response, d) if one dose is good, th=
en two are better, and three are perfect.
24. Ferrets should be punished by a) scruffing them, sharply telling them =91=
no!=92, and then isolating them for about five minutes, b) scruffing them, =
and then sharply telling them =91no!=92, c) trying to get their mind on oth=
er matters by playing with them, d) whacking them about the head and should=
ers.
25. Perhaps the most misunderstood problems in ferrets are a) the implicati=
ons of early familial separation, stress, diet, housing, and neutering, b) =
color genetics, c) various diseases, including ADV, CDV, and ECE, d) where =
they hid your car keys and wallet.
Scoring:
Score every a =3D 4, b =3D 3, c =3D 1, d =3D 0. If you got an 85 or better=
, you are a ferret pro. If you got a 75 to 84, you are good, but have room=
for growth. If you got a 65 to 74, you need some help, but know more than=
most. Below 64, maybe you should turn in your ferret for a pet rock.
I am willing to participate in a friendly debate with those who might disag=
ree with my preferred answers, and will happily provide reasons and scienti=
fic evidence to support my conclusions. If you can convince me I am wrong,=
then I=92ll change my mind. If you are just one of those pathetic trolls =
who cannot understand the difference between =91less=92 and =91not,=92 I de=
cline to debate until you can correctly define =91obtuse=92 and why I might=
use it in a sentence about you.
Bob C