From:
April Armstrong
Date: 2002-04-09 16:51:00 UTC
Subject: Renate
Hi everyone-I haven't been checking the FML or FHL in a month due to my
crazy schedule and family crises, but I plan on getting back to it-I miss
you all.
I haven't been able to bring myself to tell almost anyone yet, but Renate
died on Good Friday. She has been such a fighter for so long, but that week
she decided she'd had enough and passed away in her sleep in our incubator
at work at all of 278 grams. Fortunately I was here with her at work and
had been able to spend my entire day off the Thursday before holding her.
She started really getting bad Wednesday night and stopped eating Thursday,
even when I fed her by hand, which she has never refused before, no matter
how much weight she's lost or how bad she's been. I had to force-feed her,
which broke my heart, in the hope that it would get her interested again.
She was very lethargic and weak and by Thursday night I think I knew that
despite how many times she's bounced back, Good Friday would be it.
I miss her so much-she became such a big part of my life in such a short
time; I put so much time and energy into her care... I don't know what to
do without her! The boys still need me, but not like she needed me.
They're a little sad, I think-I brought her home so they could say goodbye.
We had a bunch of tissue samples sent to the lab and did a necropsy to try
and find out what the definitive diagnoses were in addition to what we were
sure of. She had an adrenal mass (she was only 2.5 years old!), kidney
problems, an insulinoma, a plaque on her lung among other things, in
addition to the wasting disease, etc. She had never been stable enough for
long enough to do exploratory surgery before. Still awaiting final labs.
I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for all the kind thoughts and
prayers from the day I took her in to the day she died. I thank you for all
the medical advice, support, ideas and wisdom. I especially want to thank
Gail, Dr. Williams, Sharon, Alicia, Sue and all the great FMLers and FHLers
who have offered me extra time and personal words and for those who offered
phone numbers of their own vets for us to talk to, info to research,
protocols to try, etc. to try and get to the bottom of Renate's problems.
I'm sure I would leave someone out if I tried to name everyone who has
helped us over these too short months.
As much as I miss her and still cry every day, I know she's not suffering
anymore-I think she held on as much for me as anything else, and I think my
fiance may be right when he says she wouldn't have passed away in my arms,
but waited till I left her for a few minutes in the incubator to make her
peace and go. She wasn't with me for long, but I know she got the best care
she could have and lived another pretty good 5 months because of the care my
vets gave her and the love we provided her. She was spoiled rotten as long
as she was my girl, and though it was only five months, she took a big part
of my heart with her. She was definitely Mommy's pretty girl.
I will always, always love and miss her-I see her everywhere!-and I thank
you all again for always being so wonderful.
In loving memory of Ren,
April, Shawn, Nicodemus, Marley and Finnegan
PS I hope to post some super cute photos I had taken of her about a month
before she died when I have a place to post them-she looks like a
supermodel!
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